blah

I can't help that I'm not always happy. Lately I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. I just want to isolate myself. Apparently I get sad a lot and it's annoying. Whatever. I'm hardly ever truly happy anyway. Some time periods I'm more depressed than others I can't help it. When I'm in a funk I'm in a funk. Maybe it's better to be alone so people don't get annoyed with me.

Read More

Terrified

I don't know what I am going to do after I graduate. I feel like I would be so lost in the adult world.  It  is really scary. I'm not ready for this. I still feel like a teenager.

Read More

Moving forward

Decided to start going to see a therapist again. Need a place to express myself. Tired of being depressed feeling alone and isolated.  I need to start working more and saving more money but I feel too tired when I do that. I need to focus on myself.

Read More

The beginning of the end

       Today was my last first day as an undergraduate. It feels so weird. Last semester I had made many friends from being a group leader. I thought we would all stay close friends because we all shared so much of our lives together. My boyfriend kept telling me it was just a class and it would all end when the semester was over. I kept telling him he was wrong and that I made true bonds with these people. My boyfriend was right. We all hardly talk and when we do talk it is all small talk. We all make plans to hangout and everyone cancels the day of. It sucks that I don't have these close bonds this semester. It really makes me sad.
       There are times I really feel alone and that's ok. I will learn to be independent. Maybe I will learn to not care.
        I really think it's time to see a therapist again.

Read More

Optimistic

I am going to force myself to be happier. By just smiling etc... Will force Me to eventually trick myself that I am happy. I will be happy! I will smile! I will lose weight for my health not because I think I will be more beautiful. I just really need to focus on the good. I just need to let all the bad go.

Read More

Dear Uncle Chu,

Hearing your voice was so bittersweet. I find myself crying but also so happy to hear your voice. I think I will listen to your recording every night. Whenever I watch the Arrow I think of you because I watched random episodes with you. I haven't watched Merlin since you passed because I watched a lot of episodes with you. I wish you could have been able to see the Flash it's even better than Arrow! I am so thankful for your kindness! You always helped me and forced me to take care of my car ! I'm in a safe car now! You always would tell me you saw boys carrying my books and it would make me laugh so much. You always made sure I had gas in my car. You were just such a caring person. I think you visited me in my dreams a few weeks ago! It was so nice seeing you! I hope you are looking out for me from heaven. Now I will be able to hear your actual voice and remember it clearly! I love and miss you terribly !

Read More

Fml

I am sorry blogger I have been complaining a lot but I am not in a good place emotionally. My room is too fucken small nothing fits. I know I at least have a room but omg !!! I also feel so stressed about so many things I can't even deal with life right now. I just can't ! I'm trying to be positive and it's so fucken difficult ugh! I just wish I could be happier. I really need to reevaluate all aspects of my life.

Read More